Always

Nothing more worse then the feeling I get from seeing you in pain.

Sometimes I know not what I have done to hurt you,

But somehow it happened.

If not by force then by some dumb luck that plagues my intelligence.

The frustration and shame I feel is nothing less than overwhelming,

To hurt you is to puncture my own heart.

I lose a beat every time I think of losing you, and that is a great amount of times.

I strive to be the best I can and fall short many, many, many times.

Still... I don't know what to do about it.

Keep on trying?

Trying to please every aspect of my senses and falling short?

Falling flat on my face.

Is this a clash between us, or is it all my fault?

I'm used to blaming myself, so it always seems like the sure answer.

I fuck up...

What do you want from me?

I'm sorry.

I fuck up... 

I fuck up a lot.

Just don't leave me for being honest.

Don't leave me for fucking up.

Don't leave me for making a mistake.

Don't leave me because I am human.

Love me, because I will always love you.

Hope

Run and hide,
No matter how far,
No matter how long,
It is coming for you,
The faults of your past,
Live to hunt you down,
Manifested for the purpose,
Of bringing you to your knees,
The lash of a humbling whip,
Breaking down all you thought you had mastered,
Taking away your sweet imagination of control,
It never existed,
It is only a dream you tease yourself with,
It is already lost,
Waiting,
Dodging,
Stepping out slyly,
Nothing will stop it,
All that is left is the fall,
Open or closed,
Eyes will see this through,
The thoughts will come,
The pain will hum,
You will be naked and alone,
Powerless and with hope...

A fatal word,
Once you give into it,
It is already too late,
A last throw of futility,
When all is lost it rears its head,
Crawling around as a shadow to all you know,
Letting loose the false grasp to the world,
Do you believe?
Create your own myth,
Say it in repeat,
Make it a belief,
Does it feel better?
A flicker of life that keeps you going,
Why is it's pull so strong?
How does it keep you going?
When there is nothing how can it still be?
Wrapping you in imaginary arms,
Taking you to a paradise in time,
It only has a moment but can live forever,
Dragging you,
Kicking...
Screaming...
Pleading...
Release me...

Is it ever really over when it's over?
Does it all go away?
Any of it?
We conceive and relate,
Read texts again and again,
Retrace history,
Contemplate what is divine,
What is it we find?
Comfort?
Solace?
Or does our mind just drift off,
In space and time?
No one knows,
We just hold on with death's grip to it...
Hope.